"Hey, what's up on this Valentine's"?
As I was sipping a hot cup of Kahwa this morning with
Priyanka, my fondest friend from college in the plush valleys & mighty
hills of Shimla, cracking banters, reminiscing about the terribly amazing days
from the college, and embracing the soul-titillating scenes around; Priyanka
shoots the above question at me. I tried overlooking her by portraying myself as
if I was lost in oblivion, but couldn’t resist her for long. I tried
beating around the bush through my jocular talk, but she was adamant and much
determined with her question and her gaze was affixed to mine.
“I remember the last time we met in Delhi you were…amm…dating
some hot chick…one in a billion kinda girl. How’s it going? What are you up to
these days? How’s your dating life going?’’
Before I could utter a word, Priyanka fired a barrage of
questions at me.
.
(Though wasn’t in the mood to ruin the splendid aura and spectacular
environment I was in, Priyanka being one of the few girls with whom I could
share it all, started narrating my fondest story that…woefully turned into an afflicting ordeal.)
.
"When the destiny of my life was going haywire, and my mind
was irritatingly flabbergasted with constant day-to-day ruckus, there came a
girl - pretty, learned, and an absolute pearl. A girl who was caring and
empathetic enough to provide reliable solutions to all my problems, fill all
lacunae in my life through her verbal embrace, pamper my soul with her
affectionate gestures, bring a genuine smile to my face that was long lost, and
support me with the emotional strength that I was in abject need for.
Those were the days when the stars of destiny aligned in our favour, and created
magnificent artwork in the sky portraying our commitment and sheer likeness
towards each other. We started spending time together, and in a couple of weeks, I realized that my world had started becoming a happier, calmer, and more serene
place to live in. I once again started waking up with a big smile in the
morning abundant with vivacious zeal and exhilaration for the entire day.
Evenings started turning out to be an absolute elixir for me as I would talk to
her for hours and get a divine glimpse of her.
And then…aha, the best thing, something that took my life upside down towards
elation for permanent – I started developing feelings towards her and gradually
that converted into…ah…yes, the four-lettered word that dominates almost all the
good words you could make using all the 26 alphabets, LOVE!!! So pure that I
had never felt it before. And there we go…she became my refreshing solace in the searing
heat of difficulties, enchanting shelter in the hailstorm of everyday mayhem,
and benediction in the mere of distressing self-doubt.”
(She could see the delight in my eyes and so did I…comforted
herself into the comfy chair and nodded with a gentle smile indicating me to go
ahead.)
“Every single minute spent with her started turning out to be one of the most
esteemed moments of my life. Actively listening and talking to her for hours
became an everyday ritual and time invested into it worked as a costly investment
awarding me with phenomenal returns of golden memories.
She was gorgeous in all forms. From her bodily traits to her chiseled facial
features; from her magnetic eyes to her long-short shiny hair; from her
pleasing body odour that worked as a treat to my olfactory receptors to her
gentle lil fingers; from her tempting curves to her breathtaking smile – all
were specially carved with the Almighty’s most experienced sculptor. She was one
in a billion, and her beauty was so remarkable as if she had come from a ‘gorgeousland’.
And and and…profound beauty wasn’t the only trait my Angel
(well-wisher as she has turned now) was blessed with. She was a complete package
of marvelous beauty, a scholarly mind, and impressive people skills enough to
impress anyone and everyone and portray a pleasingly dominant personality of
self. A girl whose wholesome skillset and traits made her the most
sought-after, gifted, and enticing girl in the hall irrespective of how
exemplary and distinguished people she was surrounded with.
She was a gem of an artist. One who instilled life into her artworks through
her impeccable prowess in the field. Never in my life had I met a person like
her with such a godly flair for creativity. I remember the day when she had
gifted me with a portrait of mine and I had taken almost an hour to digest the
fact that it was real, and not a printed copy. I still keep that artistic
masterpiece closest to my heart as it keeps reminding me of the living legend,
I was friends with - Ms. Hussain!
Gradually I started falling for her, and by falling, I literally mean so. Moving
ahead with the relationship and spending more time with her, I was falling into
an infinite pool of tranquility splashing profound contentment & sheer glee.
Finding a partner for life is one of the most crucial decisions one makes in
the entire lifetime. With the equation well balancing with her and the
chemistry between us producing all desired oxytocin and healthy dopamine in my
brain, I started feeling as if my pursuit of a best friend for life was
complete. I started considering myself the most fortunate man in the world for having gotten a person as special as her.
With the lapse of time, the opaque boundaries between us
gradually started to turn translucent and eventually were eradicated altogether,
in no time we started leapfrogging all kinds of obstacles hindering our love's
journey with ease, and stopped giving it a second thought before opening our
hearts and exposing all our plus and minus in front of each other.
Moving ahead, from giving and receiving lovely tangible gifts
to each other, we made a transition towards exchanging intangible yet more
exquisite & heartfelt gifts. Storing in the most sacred and safest corner
of my place, I still pamper them as if they possess the divine soul of
my girl, and yes they really do. Though she was the best person I had ever met
in my life, and my love for her was the purest; I, at times, didn’t treat her
the way I should have. I misbehaved, lost my temper, and uttered nonsense many a time.
I still repent for those days with all my heart and will keep repenting for the
rest of my life.
.
(Saying the above the warmth and zest in my voice dissipated
a bit.)
(The delight that was clearly visible in my eyes a few minutes ago
was now compromised under a tearful sensation. And so was the case with her. I
could clearly see her controlling her emotions.)
.
And then…one hapless day,
The tagline we used to cherish almost ten times a day –
‘shuruat se ant tak’ (from the very beginning to the end) was met with a
drastic 'ant' (end) decades earlier than we had expected. And unlike any other
end, this not just ended that one thing i.e. our relationship, but brought an end to
almost all the good in all walks of our lives.
 |
| Photo by Geoffroy Hauwen on Unsplash |
I wanted to spend my entire life with her and apologize
wholeheartedly in front of her for all my wrongs. Wanted to tell her how
immense was my love for her, how proud I felt when she would walk hand in hand
next to me, and how highly I had respect for her. I had to write a thousand more poetries for her, dedicate hundreds of songs to her, and write at least a dozen books centred around her and our relationship; tell her a million
more things; cry in her lap for hours on – but, unfortunately, couldn’t even get a
modicum of a second, above all, no question! The lavish villa we had built in our hearts got demolished
for life and all my desires, emotions and wishes got buried deep under the
debris of heart-wrenching catastrophe.
All the dreams we had planned together shattered into pieces, and the trillion-dollar
memories we made, got sold in the toxic society's filthy market at the rate of
pennies.
I grieve in front of Almighty almost every day that whatever
happened, shouldn’t have, at least the way it did. It's already been a
significant duration of time, but I still haven't been able to eradicate 'Shri' from my memories coz the space that she had taken deep into my heart wasn’t
taken by anyone else before.
Though her divine memories bring a hurtful sensation to my
eyes and wet them every now and then, one thing that makes it the most
difficult for me is the rampant use of the word 'Shri' in almost every juncture of
my professional life. I wish I had given her some uncommon name so that
my heart wouldn’t have to get punctured tens of times in a day. Every single
time this name comes to my psyche my heart skips a beat in a harrowing manner, and I
am forced to travel down the tortuous and traumatic lanes of memories from the past.
Nonetheless…on this Valentine’s, whoever’s Valentine she has
become or will in the future, I wish for her and them to be happy and
prosperous ever after. Though I won’t be
there at least in this life to love and caress her the way I wanted to; I could
at least pray for her to be safe, healthy, and cheerful wherever she’ll be. May
God bless her with everything she desires, and may she achieve the pinnacle of
success in whichever field she makes strides in."
.
.
.
20 minutes of incessantly narrating my story in a broken tone
and controlling my tears, I brought myself back to the present. Don’t know when,
but by then the roadside cafe boy had served us with a plate of Aloo Paratha
with gallops of butter floating on them. Though my mouth had gone completely
dry by agonizingly sobbing, the luscious smell of crispy n hot Aloo Parathas
watered it all again. Alas...Aloo Paratha…before I could take a morsel of it,
once again…lost into some of the most distinguished memories from the past.
.
(5 minutes of constantly shedding tears later)
.
“That’s h…ow it…is ah go…ing…Prih...yanka”
Shimla
had become Ghaziabad for me in mere 30 minutes.
.
.
.
Directly woke up in my hotel room later that evening. I am still trying to figure out how I reached there. The only thing I could remember was Priyanka clasping my
hands into hers and consoling…exactly the way my Shri used to.